My mind is clear
My body is strong
My spirit is sharp
This is the mantra I have been repeating to myself over and over, and over again. As I take deep inhales I visualize my breath crashing into my tumor like waves into boulders, and with each exhale I imagine it being choked off little by little. Look at me and you have no clue what’s going on in my mind and body. I am at war with myself.
Physically I feel amazing but I’m not allowed to do anything. I can’t jump, hike, workout, or do any of the things I usually do to release my energy. I am a caged animal.
It’s easy to fight someone who’s standing in front of you. It’s even easy to fight with someone on the other side of the world. But what am I supposed to do against the faceless, invisible enemy who’s living inside me?I can’t physically beat him. I can’t outwit him with my words. I need a different form of strength and intelligence that I must cultivate from within. This is truly a game of patience, and fortitude. I didn’t choose to learn this lesson, it chose me. I am growing in ways I didn’t know existed, I will beat him, and I will continue to grow.
One more week till I go to DC to get more scans and hopefully some answers